I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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