you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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