Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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