I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
