well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
