No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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