it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
