Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
