stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
