I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
