Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
