can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
