Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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