Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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