people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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