these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
