some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
