last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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