im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
How external is "for external use only"?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
