it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
