before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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