i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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