I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
