Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
