he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize