New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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