i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
accomplished twins. life is a go
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
