nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she told me i tasted like america
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
