I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
