3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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