"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
