my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize