So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
