My room smells like vodka and shame
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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