Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
