Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
