Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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