My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
