just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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