please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this will be a night to untag.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
