Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My balls are so social today.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
