And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
