She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
