I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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