Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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