Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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