am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
