in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
