Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize