this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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