ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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