can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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