you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
