last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
