She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
