I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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