Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
