I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The air taste purple.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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