I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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