Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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