as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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