I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
God I need to hump something, right now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
