Duck Duck Cougar?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
