is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
