She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
