Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
