Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
