After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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