So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
