Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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