If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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