I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
